Lessons from the Boss

Perhaps the infrequency of my posting is sufficient commentary on marriage, motherhood and ministry, but I think it has more to do with building habits.   “They say” it takes something like 16 days to form a habit.

I’m not that patient.

Sixteen days seems too much, it should happen in two or not at all.  At least that’s what I told my husband as I ranted about people at church not filling out connect cards.  The rant started there and ended with a full-blown temper tantrum about feeling like no one is listening to me and I might as well be spending my days talking to a black hole.  And why wasn’t he filling out his connect card, anyway?!?!

Have you ever seen the movie Father of the Bride? Specifically, the scene where he’s tearing hot dog buns out of the package in the middle of the grocery store…yea, that was me.

And, of course, the rant ended as rants typically do in tears and weariness and the dawning realization that the “they” I’m ranting about includes me.

How often does Jesus look at me and think, “How many times do I have to tell her to trust? How many times do I have to tell her to love first and let the rest work itself out? How many times do I have to tell her to not be afraid and have courage?”

And yet, he never loses patience with me.  He never stops guiding and leading – doing that Good Shepherd deal he talks about in John 10.

I’ve chased sheep before.  The church my dad pastored when I was a teenager did a living nativity every December and the youth always went to the farm to pick the two sheep who would come and hang out with us for a week.  It was always fun for the first few minutes as we ran and dove and even got a little messy, but as time wore on, it got less fun.  The sheep were stubborn and disobedient and didn’t seem to get the command “Come” that seems to work so well for dogs.  Maybe that’s why the Bible compares us to sheep more often than dogs?

Sheep are frustrating, but the Good Shepherd continues to sheep herd because that’s what a good shepherd does.  And he does it less for the end goal and much more for the love of the sheep.  It’s hard to love when we’re ranting instead of guiding, loving and sacrificing.

I get it, Jesus, I get it.  But, you’ll still have to tell me again because that’s the way I am.  And, I’ll pass the message on, again, but maybe next time with a little more grace and a lot less judgment.

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One Comment on “Lessons from the Boss

  1. Joy-
    Beautifully stated. Don’t you think though, that sometimes we put far more pressure on ourselves than God ever does? I often think of something Brennan Manning said, “God expect us to fail far more than we ever do and still he raises his fist in triumph.” If Brennan Manning didn’t write that than it was Anne Lamott. Church plants WOW! As someone whose spiritual journey is complicated to say the least, and someone who has lost faith in the institutional Church, I am always amazed at the courage it takes to plant a church and the faith. Why do sheep not participate in church? I often think it is simple as our world now finds it easier to connect through social media and the world wide web than honestly working at a relationship. I also think it is far more complex than that. But I want to encourage you to chase sheep. Some of us wished someone would have chased us when we were bloodied and bruised. I want to encourage you to be a pastor, particularly a female one! You go girl! Prayers and carry on warrior….I look forward to reading your journey.
    Oh and PS: That mothering, marriage and working full time thing is hell …And most days I fall down. I just fall down. What I realized though was I am leaving an impact even if I can’t see it and

    I hope for the better.
    Kathleen

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